Life is hard.

It seems the older I get, the harder life becomes. Finances, parenthood, a lack of a social life, losing friends, keeping fit and keeping your relationship alive. Add to that, in my case, a couple of psychological issues which are slowly but surely being treated and controlled, and sometimes I honestly feel like just giving up, crawling into bed, and not getting out.

Life becomes so blurry, and it seems each year I find myself saying: “Holy crap! It’s (enter month) already!” I become so afraid that because of the fast paced, never enough hours in a day kind of lifestyle I (and I’m sure a lot of other people) are experiencing, will result in me missing out and taking for granted the things that mean the most to me. My little grub has gone from a 3.2 kg, helpless little human, to a 13 kg, walking, talking person, with his own personality. How did it go so fast? What happened?

As terrible as it sounds, I actually look forward to bedtime. I’ve lost touch with friends, not because I want to, but because my life seems to be going at a million kilometers per hour. To those friends who have been patient with me, thank you. To those who haven’t, take a walk in my shoes (or slippers) and let me know how you feel.

I’d love to slow down. I don’t know how to. I get tired, I get burnt out. I spread myself too thin. And it’s only going to get more intense. With all of this, I have to make a promise to myself. Even if I take 10 minutes out of my day for “me time”, whether it be a bubble bath, a cup of sweet tea, or writing a blog. As for my son, I need to take the time so that when he is grown up and having his own baby and spreading his wings, I know that I have cherished every moment, every new word, every high five, every new skill that he learns. I want no regrets. And the same applies to all of those who are my TRUE friends and family. I will take the time for you. I will try my absolute best. Just know that I love you all and I’m sorry I haven’t been there.

Because one day, they won’t be there anymore. God forbid. But that’s how life goes.



The unsung Heroes of Depression

This post is dedicated to the unsung heroes. The people who live with sufferers of depression and other mental illnesses. Those that choose to stay in our lives during the highs and lows, as difficult as it may be. And it’s fucking difficult. I’ve been on both sides of the coin. Supporting those with this soul destroying illness and suffering from it myself. It is a life long battle. Everyday is different, and everyday you wake up and hope to hell that today that black hole will give you a break. Just for today.

But this isn’t about us. The sufferers. This is for the partners, families, husbands, wives and friends who choose to stay-through the good and the bad. The most respect goes to the ones who don’t suffer themselves. They will never understand completely, why we go from being okay, to crumbling into pieces, not wanting to face the day, sleep the day away, go numb or even cry uncontrollably for no apparent reason. But what counts is that they try. We are not easy people to live with, we are unpredictable and often lash out to those close to us. When I tell you that we don’t mean it, please believe it. As twisted as it sounds, we lash out at you because we trust you enough to be there when we’re okay again. Please don’t misinterpret this as us using you as punching bags.

You are our rocks, the hands that pull us out of the black holes that threaten to consume us. As much as you presumably and understandably often feel helpless, you are our reasons to carry on.

As someone who battles this horrible illness on a day to day basis, I live by the old adage that “this too shall pass”. And if I could give you any advice, you, the unsung heroes, should live by this too.

We love you, we thank you and even though depression is so difficult to understand-even to those with the illness, you are appreciated more than you will never know, and stronger than you will ever realize.